You Know You’re a Fiction Writer… (#3)

Edward was too lazy to give me another lesson *glares at Edward*. Characters, anyway.

Since he refused to help me out, I thought I’d throw together installment 3 of You Know You’re a Fiction Writer instead. I hope you enjoy!

You know you’re a fiction writer….

1. When you get excited over storycraft books,

2. When being alone in a library makes you feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven,

3. When you keep people-watching notes on your phone,

4. When you have to add words to your electronic dictionaries so Google and Microsoft Word won’t underline character names with red,

5. When you’re flooded with nostalgia when you think about your old stories,

6. When you call characters your children,

7. When new pens excite you,

8. When all you want in life is a cozy writing room and enough money from a published book to cover life expenses and extra snacks. And maybe a castle. And a few trips around the world. A cruise wouldn’t hurt, either.

9. When reading epic stories make you want to change a bazillion things about your novel,

10. When you create soundtracks for your books and characters,

11. When you’re afraid of buying random books because they might stink and you’ll be forced to condemn them,

12. When you read and enjoy classics you would have abhorred in high school,

13. When you push aside hard writing projects by doing easy writing projects to make yourself feel better about procrastinating,

14. When you’re proud of yourself for writing a giant book,

15. Then you realize you must edit that gigantic book and panic,

16. When thinking about the torment you will cause your readers makes you grin,

17. When you dream of building an expansive library and loathe getting rid of books,

18. When you love subplots but have a hard time weaving all the threads together into a unified story,

19. When you could spend hours analyzing the last story you read or film you watched, 

And finally…

20. When you relax for two seconds and suddenly have two books to edit, a blog post to write, a beta project, 17 comments and emails to reply to, and a room that looks like the wake of a category five hurricane,

you know you’re a fiction writer. 

-Gabrielle R. Pollack

You Know You're a Fiction Writer... (#3).png

My 9 Somethings for May

Have you ever had a bird laugh at you?

I swear the other morning a bird was cackling at me while I wrote. It was rude.

Anyhow. Not relevant.

I lived another month! Isn’t that fantastic?

Something Painful

I have a lot of random hobbies I’ve picked up throughout the years (claymation, flag dancing, horse riding, sketching, piano). Some hobbies last. Most don’t.

Wood carving was one that didn’t last too long. However, last month I got the urge to pick up my wood carving tools again.

I was in the process of hollowing out a little canoe with one of my gouges when I decided to discard the age-old advice associated with knife-wielders. In other words, I decided to carve toward my hand instead of away from it. Read more

3 Ending Fails (and How to Avoid Them) by Edward Stone

*Disclaimer: This blog series is written from the perspective of Gabrielle’s villain, Edward. Gabrielle does not claim all of Edwards opinions as her own. She does not believe modern society needs to be destroyed, though she’s really hoping none of her readers need that clarification.

Oh, and there may be an Avengers: Infinity War spoiler below. You’ve been warned.


Gabrielle: sits atop a picnic table, tapping away at her keyboard

Edward: wanders nearby, practicing an evil monologue …and that’s why I believe modern society should end. There is a purity in death, an innocence in starting over. Even ashes are white.

Gabrielle: gives him a weird look Why are you being so dramatic?

Edward: I’m preparing. You never know when you will run into a hero you must impress with your eloquence. Besides, it’s a perfect introduction.

Gabrielle: Introduction to what?

Edward: Our lesson on endings.

Gabrielle: Of course.

Edward: turns to readers Endings give extra value and resonance to a story. Unfortunately, writers are not infallible. They botch their endings, just like Gabrielle bungles most of her art pieces.

Gabrielle: Hey!

Edward: But never fear, you don’t have to fail like Gabrielle. If you avoid long resolutions, sudden tone changes, and unconnected character arcs, you’re well on your way to a strong ending. Read more

Storytelling Flaws #1: Flat Villains

(Here’s the series introduction so you’re not completely confused by my special guest and the dialogue nature of this post.)


Edward: strolls into the room Have you seen my coat?

Gabrielle: doesn’t look up from reading the Count of Monte Cristo It’s in the coat closet. You left it on the floor, so I picked it up for you.

Edward: Why would you do that?

Gabrielle: I got motivated to clean for once. shudders Characters can get really messy.

Edward: I leave my things on the floor for a reason. There is a place for everything, and for everything there is a place.

Gabrielle: You just said the same thing twice.

Edward: Silence, peasant.

Gabrielle: Aren’t you supposed to be teaching a lesson or something?

Edward: Realizes he’s being watched by readers Ahem. he straightens Good morning, friends.

Gabrielle: mutters something about a lame introduction

Edward: glares at her In this inaugural post, I want to cover a topic very dear to my heart (if I had one). No, I don’t speak of the tampering of personal property. sends a pointed glare Gabrielle’s way

I want to discuss the greatest sin of all literary misdemeanors.

Pauses for dramatic effect

I speak of flat villains. Read more