You Know You’re a Fiction Writer… (#3)

Edward was too lazy to give me another lesson *glares at Edward*. Characters, anyway.

Since he refused to help me out, I thought I’d throw together installment 3 of You Know You’re a Fiction Writer instead. I hope you enjoy!

You know you’re a fiction writer….

1. When you get excited over storycraft books,

2. When being alone in a library makes you feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven,

3. When you keep people-watching notes on your phone,

4. When you have to add words to your electronic dictionaries so Google and Microsoft Word won’t underline character names with red,

5. When you’re flooded with nostalgia when you think about your old stories,

6. When you call characters your children,

7. When new pens excite you,

8. When all you want in life is a cozy writing room and enough money from a published book to cover life expenses and extra snacks. And maybe a castle. And a few trips around the world. A cruise wouldn’t hurt, either.

9. When reading epic stories make you want to change a bazillion things about your novel,

10. When you create soundtracks for your books and characters,

11. When you’re afraid of buying random books because they might stink and you’ll be forced to condemn them,

12. When you read and enjoy classics you would have abhorred in high school,

13. When you push aside hard writing projects by doing easy writing projects to make yourself feel better about procrastinating,

14. When you’re proud of yourself for writing a giant book,

15. Then you realize you must edit that gigantic book and panic,

16. When thinking about the torment you will cause your readers makes you grin,

17. When you dream of building an expansive library and loathe getting rid of books,

18. When you love subplots but have a hard time weaving all the threads together into a unified story,

19. When you could spend hours analyzing the last story you read or film you watched, 

And finally…

20. When you relax for two seconds and suddenly have two books to edit, a blog post to write, a beta project, 17 comments and emails to reply to, and a room that looks like the wake of a category five hurricane,

you know you’re a fiction writer. 

-Gabrielle R. Pollack

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3 Ending Fails (and How to Avoid Them) by Edward Stone

*Disclaimer: This blog series is written from the perspective of Gabrielle’s villain, Edward. Gabrielle does not claim all of Edwards opinions as her own. She does not believe modern society needs to be destroyed, though she’s really hoping none of her readers need that clarification.

Oh, and there may be an Avengers: Infinity War spoiler below. You’ve been warned.


Gabrielle: sits atop a picnic table, tapping away at her keyboard

Edward: wanders nearby, practicing an evil monologue …and that’s why I believe modern society should end. There is a purity in death, an innocence in starting over. Even ashes are white.

Gabrielle: gives him a weird look Why are you being so dramatic?

Edward: I’m preparing. You never know when you will run into a hero you must impress with your eloquence. Besides, it’s a perfect introduction.

Gabrielle: Introduction to what?

Edward: Our lesson on endings.

Gabrielle: Of course.

Edward: turns to readers Endings give extra value and resonance to a story. Unfortunately, writers are not infallible. They botch their endings, just like Gabrielle bungles most of her art pieces.

Gabrielle: Hey!

Edward: But never fear, you don’t have to fail like Gabrielle. If you avoid long resolutions, sudden tone changes, and unconnected character arcs, you’re well on your way to a strong ending. Read more

My Somethings for March

Hey friends!

I hope Edward’s invasion last week didn’t throw you off. 😉 To get back to some sense of normality, here are my Somethings for March!

Something Bittersweet/Exciting

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See that little badge? It has a long, bittersweet story.

Near the end of February, I learned that Kingdom Pen’s editor and chief, Josiah DeGraaf, was wishing the site farewell.

Ugg. That…that was not expected. It threw the writing team for a loop. Until that announcement, I didn’t realize how much KP’s fantastic leader affected the site and the writing team’s work. Read more

Storytelling Flaws By (The Villainous) Edward Stone

 

A well-dressed gentleman walks into the room and tips his hat Top of the mornin’ to you. I’m Edward. Edward Stone.

Gabrielle: shoves Edward out of the way I do the introductions around here, ok? They’ll get confused if you do it.

Edward: glares You could always change it up a little.

Gabrielle: ignores him Hi friends!

Edward: mutters something about a lame introduction

Gabrielle: Be quiet, Edward. turns to readers As I hinted in my last post, I’m implementing a few changes. I’ve invited one of my villains––

Edward: cough Lord Executive Master and High Ruler of the One Hundred sectors, thirty-two divisions, and two realms. cough

Gabrielle: …to help me out with a few things. I want to share what I know about storytelling with you guys. However, I’ve got my hands full with Rook, and Edward has volunteered to take some weight off my back. Gabrielle shoots a concerned glance at the grinning Edward I’m slighting concerned he’s only doing this so he can take over my blog (he’s slightly obsessed with taking over things. I think he has control issues), but this will be fun. Once or twice a month, he’ll take the reins and––

Edward: steps in front of Gabrielle Ahem, My turn. You said I could announce my own series.

Gabrielle: Fine. But make sure you give them enough information.

Edward: waves Gabrielle away Now that that’s over with, let me give you a proper introduction. In all honesty, I’m a crook, not a professor. But any villain’s got to know how to weave a good tale, tug on the emotions, that sort of thing. I know a fair bit about storytelling.

Enough to know there are a lot of bad stories out there. I can’t help but groan when a good story is ruined by a glaring flaw.

Since I don’t want you all to fail miserably and create stories I can’t enjoy, I’m starting a––what does she call it––a blog series. I’ll be exposing a storytelling flaw in each post, covering subjects like character development, story structure, prose, and the like, so you can avoid them.

Is that clear? Good. disappears in an epic cape swoosh, mysterious fog swirling

Gabrielle: stares at where he disappeared

I hope that wasn’t a massive mistake. I’ll see you all next week with my Somethings, then it’s Edwards turn.

We’ll see how this goes.

Sincerely,

-Gabrielle R. Pollack (and Edward Stone)